July 28, 2007
It's been a while.
Many things happened while I was away. I fell in love, and persevere through it. But alas, it ended. Just as when I thought the search was finally over. And it shattered my heart. Is it my fault? Or is it hers? Or both of us are in fault?
I don't know.
But I got to pick up the pieces, and move on. Especially when I found out that I was replaced almost immediately. Then you know. And yes, it hurts. But there's no use crying, there's no use wallowing. The world still revolves. Life goes on.
Indeed, I think I found my inner peace. And that's the beauty of Zen. And I thank God that I have that.......
Posted at 12:52 by realizingzen
March 9, 2007
When Leaving it To Fate...
Last night, I met up with an ex colleague of mine. She was having a few drinks with her client, and her client and me got along very well indeed. The client was older than us, and happily married, eventhough it was an arranged marriage.
The conversation got deep, especially when he said the key to a succesful marriage is love. Most of the time, lust rules over love. And when the lust is no longer there, then the marriage breaks down, leading to divorce.
Indeed, no amount of "kursus kahwin" and counseling can help to save marriages that were built on lust, and not love. But do people learn from it? And here, I blame the mentality of our own people...
When a relationship, or marriage breaks down, they always say "sudah tiada jodoh" or in English, it was not meant to be. It's okay to say that, but one should take the effort to learn from it. Why did it fail? You got to be truthful to yourself, and ask whether you wanted your partner (or rather ex-partner) for love, or lust? Most of the time, they just leave it as it is. And then go looking for others.
Malaysia's divorce rate is very high. Especially among the Malay population. And I do wonder if people realise that their marriage was built on lust, or on love....
Posted at 10:22 by realizingzen
February 10, 2007
Some People Do Make Me Smile....
One fine Thursday afternoon, I got this chat...
**** i am so cranky
i dunno why
i am in such a bad mood
and ***** isnt online!!!!!!!!!!
realizingzen uh oh...
**** so you gotta be my consoling buddy
realizingzen err..i don't think I am exact of ***** u know...
**** yeah but, you patient enough ar
realizingzen *puts on his old, wise and patient man look
*the chat above was changed to protect the identity of the persons involved*
Well, I managed to make my friend laugh in spite of her really really depressing Thursday. For me, to make someone laugh, smile, and well, cheering up someone who is feeling well, down, is something that I like to do....
After all, my project is not going as well as I hoped to. The team leader in charge of my team gotten the flu bug, and was given the MC for the whole week. Leaving the team leaderless. And, because of that, I was given the task to lead the team, with the blessing of the team members. Indeed, in the team, I am the one person who could handle the stress, or seems to be able to handle the stress...
One of my juniors commented that a good indicator of the stress level in a project team would be me. If I am no longer laughing and look jaded, then you know the project is in deep shit. And even as one by one, the team members fall to the flu bug or fever, we still march forward with what resources left with us, in order to complete the project... with me supporting them all the way.
And to my friend who I know will be reading this...
You are welcomed to chat with me if you are feeling down. Just hope that I am not too busy ;) And oh yeah, at the end of the day, we can always lepak at Starbucks over a cup of coffee, bitching about life... hehe
Posted at 08:27 by realizingzen
February 7, 2007
Swimming In The Big Ocean
Gosh, today's been a revelation for me.
I was reading a friend's blog, following up with the lunch we had with our friend. Indeed, he somehow further summarised another part of our talk. Indeed, our conversation covered so many topics, that sometimes it is hard to keep track what was being said. But.....
when all sides look the same....
My friend, as usual, has summarised it better than me. The scary part is, his summary has more or less explained the reason I left my previous company.
Put it this way, I was doing good in this company, which was of course set up by the Bumis, and dominated by the Bumis. But, I felt wrong. However, I could not point it to anything specific. You know the feeling, there's something wrong, but you just do not know why.
And when the offer came, I just took it without much thinking in my part. Perhaps because the offer was good. But secondly, I am glad that a non Malaysian company sees that I would be a good addition for them.
Anyway, if I stayed on, I will be with the rest of the Bumis. Complacent. Giving out easy contracts to their own cronies. Heck, I heard that they gave a contract (direct negotiation some more) to one company, on the basis to help Bumiputera companies. But, what they did not realise was, few years down, the Bumiputera company resorted to outsource some of their work to an Asian country. The question is, do they really want to help the Bumis or are they helping their own cronies making money at the expense of the deserving Bumis? The sad thing is, they used to have employees who could do the work, but because of that decision, they lost them....
I know, Tun Razak is crying in the Makam Pahlawan right now. I need to correct myself that Tun Razak is not the reason why the Dream Died. He wanted to help, but, he was helping people who are too busy helping themselves.
Unlike them, I choose out. And if more are to do so, perhaps the system could be changed....
Posted at 21:08 by realizingzen
January 21, 2007
I received an sms from my friend, informing that a friend of ours would like to meet the both of us over lunch. I checked my schedule and changed a few appointments. As I am busy with my disintegrating project, I decided I needed the time out to meet up with my friend.
Meeting him is always a reality check for me. For he is someone I look up to. His name was famous (or rather infamous) in my old school. Then he went on to leave his mark in a Malay boarding school up north in Perak, then in Oxbridge, then in Malaysian politics. He has achieved a lot. He has helped many, myself included. I am thankful for his help, for he has opened up opportunities for me to realise my potential.
Today, four old friends had a nice chat over lunch. They were my seniors when I was in uni. More like my brothers to me. We had our differences. But our friendship kept us together. Even when we were in different camps. We talked about our university life. Then we talked about few people that we know. Then we tried to talk about our life. But in the end, we talked about Malaysian politics.
My friend's been there. And he has experienced a lot. He went against the system, but realised the people who are with him are no different with the people in the system he was trying hard to dismantle. Indeed, of all of my friends, he is the few who could get along with the malay kampung man in Kelantan, and the low key ah pek businessman in Kuala Lumpur.
Indeed today's been a good reflection. Previously I wondered about a person who spoke out a lot lately against the Prime Minister. I later found out the truth, apparently his company lost out in a bid for a project with a GLC. And gathering info from reliable sources, his loss is not due to nepotism, but because his proposal lacks in comparisson with the other competitors. Just because his company was a 100 percent bumiputera company, he thought he should be given the job. He of course refused to acknowlegde that there is always someone better.
It was good that I met up with them today. Our discussion has always been stimulating and intelectual. Not the typical arguments you get to see almost every day. We argue, but we listen to each other. I appreciate the fact that they listened to me even though I was the youngest. Some of my views might lack the maturity, but that's where they come in, to advise me to always look for the relevant information. And they accepted me being part of their clique despite the age.
I do wonder, should I choose to study anywhere else but in the UK, will I be where I am today?
Today has been a good day. Especially to check where I have been, where I am now, and where I will be next.
Posted at 22:25 by realizingzen
December 19, 2006
Wow, everything seems to go up these days. Everything but my paycheck. And today's the icing on the cake. The Mayor announced that those who drive into the city centre will be charged unless they choose to car pool.
To encourage public transport and car pooling?
These people at the top really do not see how bad the public transport is. And when it breaks, all hell broke loose. And to improve traffic? Hah, there's never been a proper planning.
Let me see, they demolished Bok House Mansion. Obviously to make way for another high rise. Now, this is at Jalan Ampang, which has only 4 lanes, one lane heading to Ampang Park, 3 lanes heading to Dang Wangi. More office space, more traffic, and the roads are not big enough to accommodate.
Not to forget our dear KLCC. I was told that there will be another Tower 3 built between Tower 1 and Mandarin Oriental KL. More office space? And which small access roads all around KLCC? Gosh. KLCC used to be a very good place. I love the park, I love the view, but I guess, under the current CEO, KLCC Holdings prefer the profits.
After all, Suria KLCC does have the most expensive toilet charge in town. RM 2 per entry. The funny thing is, Star Hill's toilets are free and cleaner than KLCC's. But I guess because the average Malaysians love to go to KLCC more, that's why KLCC toilets which used to be the cleanest, deteoriated over time. Hate those Malaysians toilet habits...
And lack of common sense.
Posted at 12:34 by realizingzen
December 15, 2006
The more I read the news, listen to the news, and observe Malaysia...The more I feel like we are living in the Animal Farm, just like what George Orwell wrote few decades ago.
This is depressing.....
Posted at 11:51 by realizingzen
December 14, 2006
One Coffee Date, One YM Chat and the State of Economy
Was recently approached by two of my friends. Both asked me out for a drink. I did not mind going out with one of them as well, he owes me my DVD, and lives nearby. The other stays at the other part of town, and I was lazy to drive. The modus operandi are the same, let's go out for coffee.
I did go with my friend who returned my DVDs. Then he went on to promote this Sw*ssc*sh, telling me that I'll get 300% returns in 15 months guaranteed. The thing is, there is no guarantee in anything. Even a 10 % return every month. Any good financial consultant would know, the law of averages....
I politely declined his offer.
As for the other, I told her, if it is a good business proposition, then it could be communicated to me via YM. But she told me that I should also meet her other partners, so I could get a better understanding. The moment I read that, I already knew. I just told her, I don't have the time to meet up with her, and I'll call her when I do.
I have yet to call her.
I guess that is why it is harder for me to take girls out for coffee nowadays. Instead of hanging out getting to know each other better, they probably have way too many people using the same excuse to promote network marketing.
Now I beginning to dislike network marketing. One, because so many girls now fear coffee invitations as a possible network marketing pitch. And second, because I did it once, and found it not to my liking. I do not learn much, and basically money is the only motivation. Okay, I lied, at least I learned how to be thick skinned. So, I just made a few bucks and quit.
And I do wonder why network marketing attracted a lot of Malaysians. Fortunately in my current company, I have yet to discover anyone doing network marketing, yet. I guess because we consultants really know how to live within our means.
Yes, living within our means. I guess in Malaysia, that's the problem. Malaysians do not know how to live within their means. That's why we see a lot of people trying to make ends meet in any possible way. And that will also include the stealing and burglary.
However, I do not blame on Malaysians, but circumstances put it this way. Mercer always come up with the reports that living conditions in Malaysia is cheap. I beg to differ with that, as their comparisson used USD and salary in USD for it. But life for the average Malaysian is not cheap.
The average salary a fresh graduate receive is about RM 2,000. About RM 220 will be set aside for EPF (probably the only savings they could get). A lunch can easily cost RM 5. Malaysians like to say that we are cheaper than Singapore. But, I can tell you, if you know where to go, you can get a fulfiling lunch for only SGD 3. And fresh grads in Singapore can earn at least SGD 2,000.
Houses in Malaysia, also when I compare it overseas, is not cheap either. I once went to an apartment that my friend bought for RM 210,000, and I was disappointed with the condition. But it is to be expected, as Malaysia's property market is speculatively driven. That's why they came up with the concept of sell first, build later. Yes, only in Malaysia. That's why we have so many abandoned projects, the consumers are the ones losing.
It is true that Malaysians pay lower taxes. But I rather pay more tax for some benefit I get to see. In UK, the taxes are aplenty. Council tax, income tax, among others. But you do see that the councils are well maintained, and well, you got the NHS. Slow, but at least, you have that lifeline. In Malaysia, the tax money is used to build a new palace, send a Malaysian to space to do teh tarik, and bailing out companies that have been driven to the ground....
Sad, greed is everything here. Money is everything. And people would do anything, even messing with their own karma to get it. It's a win-lose situation, someone will be in the losing end, and that's when trouble start.
I guess the latest rumours of the toll increase is getting to my nerve. Why? More people will probably have to resort to network marketing to make ends meet. That means less chance for me to have coffee with new friends, even perhaps old friends.
In the meantime, let me try to earn an honest living.
Posted at 14:21 by realizingzen
December 10, 2006
People look for religion as an escapism. Something to believe in. Something to look forward to, in the afterlife. Once their time here is done. Indeed, humans do not know why we are here in this small little speck in the universe. One thing for sure, the time here is only temporary.
Many religions teach us to do good deeds. To encourage this, each religions promise its faithful that they will be given a place in heaven. Some religion even preach short cuts, if one do this, it will guarantee the person's place in heaven. Even if the person has done many bad things.
But who am I to judge if a person goes to heaven or not. After all, the decision lies with the powers that be. But the thing is with humans, they will always justify their wrongdoings. Humans will always come up with excuses.
One never feel obliged to take responsibily of their actions, with those excuses. Take for instance the recent ruling in the state of Kelantan. If a lady choose to wear a short skirt, so let her do so. It is her right. The reason for the ruling? So as not to arouse the menfolk. For me it is a disgrace for the men. It shows that they could not control their animal instinct when shown a juicy piece of meat. Heck, couples who are dating looking for some privacy can even find themselves ambushed by the morale police.
What's wrong with showing a little affection by holding hands? Even the recent pat on the arm by our PM on Datuk Michelle Yeoh during the Monsoon Cup stirred a lot of controversy. It is just a pat, not a YZ video phone (please refer to the Indonesian politician)! Indeed those people who jumped on the controversy, expecting to gain a few political mileage are now facing the possibility of being tagged as an opportunist. Not to forget someone who is so deprived of love, and affection.
Indeed, I guess many people in Malaysia think that holding hands, hugging, kissing etc will lead to sex. You know what? I guess they are the ones who are deprived. A simple hand holdings, and quickly they will say that those two people holding hands are having sex. That's all they can think of, do this, sex, do that, sex.
I guess we have to reevaluate our perception. Some of us got a really narrowminded view of associating sex with almost everything. I guess that's why the Europeans treat their women better. True, they do have sexual harrasment cases, but at least, they do not have the perverted kinds that we have here in Malaysia. Perverted because they were really deprived....Unfortunately for the victims, they do not really have any rights like their European friends...
Posted at 11:50 by realizingzen
December 6, 2006
Well, it is not exactly the room. Since it is late night, and there is no one using the Meeting Room, I took over the room and declared it to be my room for the night. Yes, i am still in the office even though the time now is 11:00 pm. And I can see the PETRONAS Twin Towers from my window.
And shining above it, the full moon.
Sometimes we just forget how beautiful Kuala Lumpur can be. But despite KL having the PETRONAS Twin Towers, one must not forget that we do have the slum areas, the run down areas, the forgotten areas.
My office is not in the more fashionable office area of KLCC. Indeed many multinational companies choose to set up its office in KLCC. Or somewhere near it. Hence, I get to see the other part of KL, that I did not get to see when I was in the previous company.
The rundown Masjid Jamek station. With the frequent Putra LRT breakdowns. You just know when the LRT is having some problems when you are at Masjid Jamek. Walking towards Masjid Jamek and you see the shutters down, and you will sigh as you know it will be a loooong day (or night) ahead.
And people selling by the sidewalk. Things like pirated VCDs, umbrellas, medicines, food. And the mad rush they make when they see the DBKL people coming to them. And of course, the beggars. Indeed here, you get to hear, feel and even smell the other part of KL. I pity those who use public transport, because you get to feel the elements, rain, shine, and the smell. Indeed body odour is prevalent on our public transports, not helped by the weather. Sides, not all of us could afford to drive to work. I myself hate driving to work, unless if I come in after 9... and of course if that happens, I go home after 8 pm....Thank god my hours are flexy. But parking would be a nightmare....
Indeed, this is the other side of Kuala Lumpur. And you get to see many interesting things near Masjid Jamek. It's near to Masjid India. Excellent Indian vegetarian food. Further up the road, there's this Capital Cafe (not to be mistaken for Coliseum Cafe) with it's excellent Nasi Padang. And how about Pan Mee, even further up the road? Indeed, there are many food haven around this area.
Sogo too is nearby. And to think that Sogo was once the place to be. Well, before KLCC came. And if you want to get clothing materials, don't look anywhere, just go to this area. Wisma Yakin, Semua House, and the areas surrounding it. Full of it. I even visited Chotirmall, the last time I've been there was like 12 years ago. To get winter clothing just before I left for UK. And Pertama Complex, the place to get many many stuff. I know some photography enthusiasts, those looking for badminton stuff, and of course, those looking for handphones go to Pertama Complex.
This is the other part of Kuala Lumpur that I have long forgotten.
Posted at 23:06 by realizingzen